Thursday, August 13, 2009

Direction

In this post, I am going to do something I rarely do. Share a part of me. Not just my art, but a piece of me hidden for many years. I am never comfortable with this, but I have come to find through other blogs that I enjoy reading about others trials. So many are similar it makes me feel a part of them. I just never wanted anyone to "see" me and the pain I struggled with for so many years. It turns out I am human just the same.

This post is about my life's direction. It seems I have none. I just go through it aimlessly trying to figure out where I am supposed to stop and stick with one venue. I seem to want them all. Paint, Jewelry, woodworking, building, decorating. What is that?

This painting was done some years ago, I don't even know how many. It seems people either love it or hate it, but it depicts a period of time that I had to start my life over for the third time,
and with nothing more than $500. cash and a wish. I had great depression, great loss, and great pain. I didn't know where I was going. (I still don't, but it's ok.)

I wrote a poem also. I don't know if it goes with this painting or not, but was written in 1988. I will share this as my first "view" of the person I once was. I am happy to say I am not that person any more, and I think the painting shows a path of healing.

Extremes
My life is a strong solid wall,
running the length of my years.
The door to my soul is rusted shut
caused by tears of pain.
Although I possess many tools that others need,
I deteriorate from lack of usefullness
to the world outside of me.
My dreams are clouds circling above me....
but out of my grasp.
I have lost the energy needed to reach them.
So many times I have tried,
only to watch life's storms
blow them farther and farther away.
P. Beck
7/5/88
I am curious what others think of the painting. I don't think it needs explanation, but for those who say "What is it", I say it is Life, with the births, the road being high and low and the swords showing the pain we all feel, as well as the warmth of love that eventually wins over our hearts.
Comments on my poem would also be good. It's sad, but it's life.
I am happy to say that this period of my life pretty much ended when I met my beloved Gary.
He has shown me much love and compassion and just plain generosity of spirit and humor, bringing me back to a healthy mental state and thereby being who I am today. Truly happy.
I truly hope I have touched someone today.

5 comments:

  1. Hi Peggy, Thought I'd drop by for a short "visit." I must admit your painting isn't my style, BUT I appreciate your work and after reading your explanation, it makes much better sense to me. I am happy things are looking up for you and you have taken a different path.
    You are not alone, I can relate to much of what you have written.
    Sending a BIG support hug your way.

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  2. Hey Peggy,
    Thanks for your comments on my altered post card, you may certainly use the quote I put on it in your journal. My sister would love your painting, colorful and full of meaning--that's her style too. I'm glad you found road to healing, I don't think there are many of us in this life that haven't felt lost and helpless at some point in time. Dabbling in all kinds of styles of art from jewelry to scrapbooking to altered art to quilling, and god knows what all is part of being a well-rounded artist! Keep up the good work.

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  3. Peggy. I, for one, got to see this painting in person and you did explain a bit, to me, the significance of it. But; your words, here, are more powerful to its meaning for me. Art is therapy; I will stand by that for the rest of my life and am thankful that we have it to turn to. Without it, I would be adrift myself. I so relate to your words. I'm so happy that your path is brighter and happier, you deserve peace and happiness. Your poem is so moving; very deep and heartfelt. Sharing our art and words is difficult, at first, after all - it's exposing us! We're all vulnerable. Try not to stress over wanting to dive into all forms of art; I'm there, too, and maybe this is where that mixed media comes in. (I like to think of it as "mixed-up media") lol!

    I love you! xxoo Marilyn

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  4. Yes, You've touched me. And yes I do check out ur work now and then. Love you, Gary

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  5. I absolutely love this painting Peggy. My reaction before I saw your explanation was of energy and rebirth and an amazingly strong spirit - all of which I see in you. And the poem, though certainly serious, is not entirely hopeless to me. Even a rusted door can become a way in or out. You still included a door. A sign of hope. Of escape from one life and into another. It just needed some oil to loosen the rust. You obviously found that. Great work --and I "suffer" from the same fickle urges to do a little of everything. I don't question it so much these days. enjoy!!

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