This is the first piece of art I've done since I lost Gary, and I am so happy with it. When I think of doing this in a Little Fat Book Club meeting, I didn't "think" about putting it together at all.

It just happened and then I looked at it and was so happy. It's been quite awhile since I have felt that. I know that getting back to the art will help to heal my heart and soul and so I hope this is the first of many new posts of "happy" art.

Thanks for all the wonderful well wishes. 2010 will be a good year.

A beautiful plant called an "Angel" Orchid from friends of Gary's and Mine.

The healing has begun, but is far from over. I can now almost get through a day without breaking out in tears. Some days better than others, but over all it is the people that are keeping me from entering a dark and lonely place. It is their love and constant vigil to not let me be alone..

Being alone forces me to face the future. I have started over alone, several times in my life, but this is the toughest assignment I have ever had. I think because of my age being 62, that it is just plain harder. I'm tired. I was happy with the life Gary and I had together. I felt like I had finally created a life that gave me all the comforts and security I needed. Now that is all gone again.

To rebuild a life again. Wow. We had dreams together that I have to abandon. Not that I can't have them someday myself, but it just wouldn't be the same. Thinking of things we planned on doing and realizing they will never happen. Trying not to think of them, but having to sort them out and come to terms with them.

I look forward to the day I can walk into my art studio and do something. That has not happened yet, and yet it will probably be helpful in my healing process. Instead I am vegitating in front of the television. I will have to force myself to do otherwise. I'm not ready to do otherwise. How long will I allow myself to feel sorry for myself. Not long. I'm not that kind of person. I need to be doing things. Making things.

To everyone who has blessed my life, I can never forget your concern for me or the phone calls, cards, and inclusion in activities that will surely bring me back to health and those I love most dearly. Thank you for your understanding and I hope you will see some happy times posted on this blog along with some beautiful art inspired by my life with Gary coming forth in the weeks ahead. Much love to you all..

Gary - 5/20/1947 - 12/28/2009

Here is a collection of pictures showing the love of our family during our 23 years together. It is evident I think how much Gary loved children and all that life has to offer.

There are lessons in life if we let them come to us through loss. When there is an empty space it makes room for this lesson to come through. If only we pay attention. We may not know what that lesson is right away, but suptly it will appear and I believe that it is part of a direction that leads us on to greater joy. I have had much joy with Gary and he speaks to me in spirit already.

I hope you can get a glimpse of one terrific guy, and can see the love shared by his family and I.

This picture is of Gary Therrien and his grandaughter Sarah.

At a turbulent time in 1987, the God I believe in sent me an angel named Gary. Although I wasn't looking for one conciously, he came and my life was changed forever....

He brought to me a feeling of comfort that I had never known. It didn't come quickly, but over a period of time. You see, I had my heart closed off to love. The love I had experienced and known over the years was not the love he was offering. It was foreign to me. We were, together, awkward, but his kindness and gentleness won me over and we stayed on a course that would forever bind us. One that lasted 23 years.

During that time he took me to many new places. He loved to travel and it was what his job required and what he did. He introduced me to people across this country that I can still call friends.

He brought me the gifts of laughter and comfort and a warm gentle smile that softened my sharp rough manner and opened my heart to many truths about life and people. He taught me many lessons and gave me encouragement and freedom to pursue dreams that he did not understand but nevertheless, appreciated. There were more gifts, loving children and grandchildren and thousands of beautiful memories with them.

On Monday, December 28, 2009, the God that I believe in took his life from his body quickly, without time for sappy drama. I know that I am not the only one feeling pain with this loss, and my heart also aches for all those who knew and loved him.

My earth angel Gary is now my guardian angel ,and will always be with me, just traveling on the wings of a Harley and working from a new location. He always loved to travel. It was God's assignment, not mine.