A beautiful plant called an "Angel" Orchid from friends of Gary's and Mine.

The healing has begun, but is far from over. I can now almost get through a day without breaking out in tears. Some days better than others, but over all it is the people that are keeping me from entering a dark and lonely place. It is their love and constant vigil to not let me be alone..

Being alone forces me to face the future. I have started over alone, several times in my life, but this is the toughest assignment I have ever had. I think because of my age being 62, that it is just plain harder. I'm tired. I was happy with the life Gary and I had together. I felt like I had finally created a life that gave me all the comforts and security I needed. Now that is all gone again.

To rebuild a life again. Wow. We had dreams together that I have to abandon. Not that I can't have them someday myself, but it just wouldn't be the same. Thinking of things we planned on doing and realizing they will never happen. Trying not to think of them, but having to sort them out and come to terms with them.

I look forward to the day I can walk into my art studio and do something. That has not happened yet, and yet it will probably be helpful in my healing process. Instead I am vegitating in front of the television. I will have to force myself to do otherwise. I'm not ready to do otherwise. How long will I allow myself to feel sorry for myself. Not long. I'm not that kind of person. I need to be doing things. Making things.

To everyone who has blessed my life, I can never forget your concern for me or the phone calls, cards, and inclusion in activities that will surely bring me back to health and those I love most dearly. Thank you for your understanding and I hope you will see some happy times posted on this blog along with some beautiful art inspired by my life with Gary coming forth in the weeks ahead. Much love to you all..