Well, it's been a few days and I have done some work but used the wrong camera and cannot post the pictures. No matter. A new revealation has occurred to me.
I just spent another two days in the hospital. It seems every time I work on the house I end up sick or in the hospital. For me this is the 4th time and it has come to my attention that the Universe has been sending me messages and I have ignored them. I am not to work on this myself. Therefore I am going to spend probably my entire savings account to hire someone to come in and finish it.
I have started over in life too many times to be concerned with whether I have any money or not. When I left my first marriage I left with $500.00 in my pocket and a self employed job. Nothing to depend on or no one to depend on but myself. And, I survived.
Of course a year and a half later I found out I had cancer in my neck and underwent surgery and radiation and ended up broke and on welfare and food stamps for a period of time until I was told I had to move from my apartment and move to the projects. Well that didn't go over too well with me so I again knew I could not depend on anyone but myself and I survived.
A few years after that I met a man I liked a lot and after knowing him for a month I up and dismantled my apartment and went on the road with him for the next 52 weeks before we stopped for a bit. 22 years later after a wonderful journey through life he left via a heart attack and again I was left but to depend on no one but myself. Now, 2.5 years later I am here and surviving.
I know for certain that even if I spend my last dime to get this house liveable again I will come out on top and be the happier for it. For some reason the Universe has always taken care of me. I think it comes from faith because it has always done so for me in the past. I need nothing more than to know I am capable of finding what it is I need, be it a friend to chat with or a hot meal or place to stay or a short term job to give me the cash I need to meet an obligation. It will come. If I ask the universe to help me along, it does.
This is a concept few people can grasp. For them it seems security is in having things and money . For me security is in knowing I have everything I need to get me through another day. It is within my power to access what I need through my experiences with life. There is always help out there and there is always hope and faith. with these things which cannot be bought we can find what we need to survive and in some instances thrive. We become stronger because we see the strength we didn't know we had come to serve us in ways we didn't know were possible. And with that we build ourselves up again and again and again.
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